Missing Gabrielle!

December 29, 1999 3:12 PM.....a highly anticipated moment met with mixed emotions.  For 5 months I was told that the baby I had just  given birth to was going to die.  It was very apparent when our Gabrielle Renee was born that sadly the doctors were right.  As a matter of fact, Gabrielle's neonatologist told us moments after she was born that it was one of the worst cases of Anencephaly he had ever seen.  He was near retirement age, so he had probably seen quite a few cases in his career.
It was an honor for me to carry our sweet girl to full term.  Today I'm counting my blessings we had her for the 14 hours (plus the 9 months in my womb).   She could have been still born.  Her doctor only expected her to live an hour if that after her birth.
Last night at church we sang Jesus Loves Me per Tim's request.  He had another song picked out for our hymn favorite night.  I hinted I wanted Jesus Loves Me.  The moment Tim sang it to Gabrielle was one of the top cherished memories of her short life.  I got emotional wishing Gabrielle could have been here to pick out her own favorite song for her birthday.
Tim has asked me why I'm so sad on Gabrielle's birthday.  First of all, it's because she's not here to celebrate it.  I told him today it's not that I'm totally sad, it's the day where most of my memories were made.  I get emotional when I think of the Jesus Loves Me moment (I sang it to her too during her last moments), the rememberance of my parents holding her.  The moment she took she had her bath was a cute moment.
15 years had healed a lot of hurt, but I still do miss my sweet girl so much!  I wonder what life would be like having a teenage girl in the house.  That's an interesting thought having a 10 year old girl in the house now. I wish she could have had her big sister to look up to!
Happy Birthday in Heaven Gabrielle Renee!!!  I love you!!!!

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